I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize