if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize