I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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