just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
