Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
