i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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