Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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