I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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