I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
