I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
