Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
