I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
