so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
