Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
