so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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