when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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