I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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