We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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