Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
