my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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