youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
