I can feel you judging me through the phone.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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