I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize