ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
