..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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