We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
