my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
wow bdsm is so cute
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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