Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
No subtext here. People are naked.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
