I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
