problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
