so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
