You just made me feel so damn special
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
