i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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