You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
