we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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