just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
