can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
