She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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