I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
