he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
