"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
