whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
