What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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