Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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