either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
