if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
