Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Small penises have feelings too.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
