I want to stick my p in your. b.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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