I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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