Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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