can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
