I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Randomize
