I think my vagina is haunted
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
