So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
