so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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