i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
