Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
