bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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