Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
