So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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