That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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