I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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