im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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