So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
