I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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