RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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