Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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