Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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