Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
vagina is talking i cant
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
