We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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