Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
