Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
