Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I still have a little drunk in my system
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
