The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
